Viagra Blues ©

Apparently erectile dysfunction bedevils most American males, even those young enough to be regular viewers of The Daily Show. I judge this from the numbers of commercials now shown on television which claim to fix this modern pestilence. Most of these ads I see on Jon Stewart’s and Steven Colbert’s programs. I understand that most of their viewers are young so I guess it is a problem for youth too.

Before now, I was under the mistaken belief that female libido dysfunction, a/k/a “ erectile disinterest”, was the number one problem faced by America. Almost all my close male friends tell me this. In the face of overwhelming evidence that sex is good for you, women stubbornly insist that there is more to life than sex. Where this silly idea came from is anybody’s guess but Big Pharma needs to get to work on it. One student of the subject, a woman named Dr. Gina Ogden, says that women are more interested in quality than quantity. But I take little stock in her opinion. That “Dr.” before her name is a mail-order PhD from something called the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Of its 58 member faculty, only three have M.D.s; one from West Virginia in 1966, another from Kaohsiung Medical University, Taiwan and one Dr. Fang Fu Ruan who got his M.D. from Peking University way back in 1959. Worse, the institute calls itself, “The best in Erotological Education,” which violates one of George Orwell’s fundamental rules about writing: Never say anything “avoidably ugly” or “outright barbarous.” Erotic is a perfectly good word. Why not just say, “The best in erotic education?” Not pompous enough, I suppose. They’re probably a little sensitive about this mail-order PhD business.

But we don’t have to take their evidence that sex is good for you. Real Western doctors have concluded that it is so. Two separate studies, one from Belfast and one from Germany have concluded that the risk of heart attack and stroke are cut in half with frequent sex. The Germans studied only men which seems fair enough, but surely it helps women too.

What is more, caresses reduce the level of cortisol and when cortisol levels in the blood decline, both seratonin and dopamine levels rise. This results in lower heart rate, blood pressure and anxiety levels in addition to increasing a sense of happiness and general well-being. Not only that, sexually active people suffer less from depression and are far less likely to suicide. By the way, semen contains dopamine which is the neurotransmitter most associated with joy.

Frequent sex is good for pain relief because it releases oxytocin, a natural pain killer. Oxytocin also brings powerful feelings of contentment and helps both the heart and the immune system. And people who have sex twice a week have 30% more immunoglobulin A in their bodies which means fewer colds and infections, less flu and higher resistance to cancer.

People who are in long-term committed relationships with lots of sex are happier, healthier and more satisfied with life than any other group of people.

Oh, by the way, they also live longer and generally are more affluent.

In addition, sex is good for dieters. According to Forbes Magazine,

“British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year.”

Now, you will notice a certain ambiguity in that sentence. Is it saying that if you eat six Big Macs it takes 156 orgasms and a year to work them off or is it saying you can eat six a week and it only takes 3 orgasms to work them off? Which is it? I must say, as much as I love sex and believe it is good for you; if I have to eat 6 Big Macs a week for sex, I may give it up. That would be 312 Big Macs a year. Nothing “erotological” about that. I can feel my arteries clogging just from writing about it.

Finally, the conclusive evidence is in: Rates of prostate cancer plummet for men who remain sexually active throughout their lives. So women, if you want your men to live long lives; you know what to do.

You do want us to live long lives, don’t you?

Wait. Don’t answer that.

Tags: Erectile Disintrest, Erectile Dysfunction, sex, Sex is Good for You